Frequently Asked Questions
1. what is abstinence?
2. what about safe sex?
3. what if I’m not a virgin anymore?
4. what is intimacy?
5. should you have sex to prove your love?
6. are there benefits in waiting?
7. why abstinence?
8. what is Human Papilloma Virus?
9. why did A.C. Green choose abstinence?
10. how do i say no?
To abstain means to voluntarily choose not to do something. When referring to sex, it means voluntarily choosing not to engage in sexual activity until marriage. Sexual activity refers to any type of genital contact or sexual stimulation including, but not limited to, sexual intercourse. Abstinence is the only 100% effective protection from the possible physical, emotional, mental and social consequences of sex before marriage. Abstinence is the safest and healthiest lifestyle. (contributed by Game Plan)
Condoms were designed to prevent pregnancy. Even so, a woman experiences a 14% probability of becoming pregnant during the first year of typical condom use. After five years of condom use with a yearly pregnancy rate of 15%, an adolescent would face a greater than 50% chance of having become pregnant. (The Medical Institute for Sexual Health)
One in four sexually active teenagers will contract an STD. It is true that condoms can provide SOME protection against SOME STDs. But there are also STDs that condoms may do little, if anything, to protect from, including Human Papillomavirus (HPV). HPV is the most common STD and has no cure. (Game Plan)
Sadly, the consequences of sex can be even more painful then pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Condoms DO NOT protect your heart; they DO NOT protect your future; they DO NOT protect your dreams. But you can, and all it takes is one decision. The decision to go against the lie of “safe sex.”
Even if you haven’t been abstinent in the past, you can still control your future decisions. We’ve all made mistakes, but it is never too late to start over. You can’t change the past, and you can’t change the consequences from your decisions. But you can do everything about today, and you can prepare for what you will do tomorrow!
A fifteen-year-old girl once described intimacy as “a place where it’s safe to be real.” Real intimacy is the result of letting another person see who you are. It comes through recognizing and understanding our own emotions, and then sharing those feelings openly with another person in order to strengthen the relationship with that person. It means taking the risk of opening up to someone, not just unloading pent-up feelings or getting physically involved. It means letting our true self be visible. (contributed by Josh McDowell)
NO! If someone says you need to prove your love by having sex, then they don’t really care about you for who you are. Real friends accept you for who you are, not what you’ll do for them. Your feelings, thoughts, personality and dreams are a huge part of who you are; if someone is interested in you only for sex, then they are wasting your time.
In reality, there are many freedoms you can enjoy from waiting to have sex until marriage, including:
Freedom from pregnancy and all it entails
Freedom from pressure to marry prematurely
Freedom from sexually transmitted diseases
Freedom from the side effects of contraceptives
Freedom from the guilt, doubt, disappointment, worry, and intensified feelings of rejection that are associated with unmarried sexual activity
Freedom to focus your energy on establishing and accomplishing your goals
Freedom to enjoy being a teenager
Freedom to develop a better understanding of friends and to enjoy dating relationships
(Foundation for Thought and Ethics)
Sexual abstinence is, and will remain, the only way unmarried individuals can eliminate and not just reduce the risk of sexually transmitted disease and non-marital pregnancy. Condoms do not make sex safe enough to preserve the future health, hope and happiness for unmarried individuals. (The Medical Institute for Sexual Health)
Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) is the fastest spreading STD in America today. At least 20 million Americans are currently infected, and an estimated 5.5 million new infections occur each year. HPV can cause genital warts and/or cervical cancer. Condoms provide little – if any – protection against HPV! (Game Plan)
Read a personal story about HPV.
“I made the decision as a teenager to be abstinent. I wanted to take control of my future. It wasn’t a popular decision then, just like it can be an unpopular decision now. It doesn’t always make me more friends. But the friends I have are true friends. True to themselves and true to me. We know each other’s goals and dreams and we encourage each other to achieve them.
“It isn’t easy. But every single day I say ‘yes’ to abstinence, it becomes that much easier. If you make a decision, and you practice it, that practice turns into a habit and the habit becomes a lifestyle.”
There are many ways you can tell someone you want to be abstinent until marriage. Here’s a few ideas:
I have a lot of goals, and I’m not going to risk them for one night.
I don’t want either of us to have to worry about STDs.
I’m not ready to be a parent.
I don’t want a one-dimensional relationship.
I’ve made a commitment and I’m not willing to break it.
I’m worth waiting for.