I have a really hard time not trying to tempt guys into doing things. most of the time it isnt really sexual but it is in a way. I know that it will eventually lead to other things, but usually i dont care, but later when i think of what could have happened it makes it different. I also feel like a need a guys attention all the time. My last boyfriend and I were together for 2 and a half years, but we split up. Its been 7 months now and i feel like a need that attention? what do i do to keep my mind off of it. It seems like everyone else has a boyfriend to hold or kiss, but I dont. I miss him, and his affection. What do I do?
Abby, age 16
First of all – great question. Now let me ask you a question: do you feel that having a boyfriend (or guys – do you feel that having a girlfriend) makes you better as a person? If so, it sounds like an issue of self-esteem, you may be using guys (or girls) to try and validate you as a person. Abby, you need to realize your worth as an individual – there is no one just like you, you are one of a kind, unique, priceless. If you recognize this truth about yourself, you will soon realize that having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) isn’t necessary for your happiness.
You said, “I know that it will eventually lead to other things, but usually I don’t care.” Again, recognize that you are important and special as an individual. Also realize the decisions you make today will impact your tomorrow. Concentrate on the goals and dreams you have and don’t let someone knock you off on your track. If someone truly loves you – they love you for you, not for what you will do for them. Don’t forget!
Lastly, I know it is nice to be dating someone, but recognize being currently single provides some neat opportunities. For instance, you can hang out with your friends whenever you want, and you have time for your other hobbies and interests too.
p.s. - check out real intimacy in the FAQ section!