ok, there’s this guy and we had sex and he was acting really mean to me afterwards and tellng everyone that i’m easy to get but i still have feelings for him. it’s like he is always on my mind and after this happened it made me want to become abstinent but how do i get him out of my mind and move on?
Melody, age 14
Your story is one I hear a lot and have lived myself. We could gang up on the guy who put you in this situation, but the truth is the pain and shame that a girl feels from making the decision to have sex outside of marriage is caused by the choice they made. Honestly, it seems this choice often stems from low-self esteem.
Certainly there are going to be a lot of emotions toward this guy – sex is a very emotionally intimate act. But do not allow those emotions to fool you into returning to the situation. Think about it….he has sex with you, then speaks poorly of you and dumps you. Why would you want to even be within 10 feet of a guy like this?
My advice to you is this…know that you are very special. Set your standards on a man who will respect you and treat you the way you deserve…accept nothing less than a man with integrety and character. You attract what you are. I know, I have been in your shoes. Since I started practicing abstinence I have gained self-respect and confidence – it’s affected my whole life. When men discover I practice abstinence one of two things happens…they walk away or they treat me with respect. Which kind of man would you want in your life….I know which one I want in mine. The one who walks away can keep walking, they are the ones who have no respect for themselves and are looking for only one thing…sex!
You cannot change the past. But you can change the future. Forgive yourself first. Next, the guy who hurt you. You might be knocked down for the moment, but pick yourself back up and keep moving. Find ways and people who can help you gain the self-esteem that is missing in your life. You are a gem….and worth so much more than you can imagine. Keep sharing your story, maybe someday your story can help another girl or even a guy (it happens to them, too) who has been hurt the same way you have.
P.s. – Check out some great ways to say no.